Anger and aggression in children

Probably every parent has asked the question whether it is normal for children to be so aggressive in their relationships with others and especially in relationships with other children their age? Is this behavior normal from a psychological point of view, or is it a normal stage of the growth process ? If we think about it for a moment, age and maturity probably justify gestures of aggression , and this is not necessarily aggressive behavior . Behavior that is defined as aggressive is based on intentional actions, and in children , especially younger ones, these physically abrupt reactions are the result of other reasons, they communicate with gestures through the body because they still can not express themselves. words. The younger ones even throw away their toys in order to break them: is this aggression? Even if this is probably not the case, it is rather a desire to understand how objects are made or to see the effect of action in a world of individuals and objects into which they still fail to enter properly.

Aggression is one of the possible reactions to express the feeling of anger , which can be defined as an instinct to defend and protect personal feelings, personal needs and personal belongings.

The aggressive reaction of the baby who kicks us with his feet when we change his diaper because he does not want to be put to sleep is a response to your aggression towards him, an aggression that is helpless to resist and that comes from the one he loves . You take him off, wash him, interrupt his games for reasons he defines as meaningless and against his will. What reactions do you expect? This destructive aggression, when the child is very young, could terrify him, seeing his own body rolling around uncontrollably.

Anger can actually lead to actual aggressive actions (verbal or physical):

• Due to the inability to cope in a situation by throwing objects.
• By mistreating adults and peers by hitting them or telling them unpleasant things that have affected them in one way or another.
• To themselves - they fall into crises by throwing themselves on the ground or hitting their heads, or slapping themselves.

They also have problems sleeping or eating, which can be due to suppressed anger , which if not understood as a request for help and attention, can have side effects. Often parents try to protect their children by avoiding situations that provoke anger, or give in to whims and even absurd claims. Keep in mind that anger in some situations is a normal reaction that needs to be controlled with your help.

What to do then?

You have to help him show those feelings that he does not know, but he feels boiling in him. You can direct them to express their anger by drawing or playing .

Faced with your child's anger crisis, don't get angry or shout - it's impossible to put him out this way. Cool the feeling with a resolute NO if you overdo it, or delicately limit it physically if there is a risk of injury. That way he will know that if he loses control, you will be there to protect him. You need to know that you need to teach the child the acceptable limits within which he can express his feelings. When he calms down, in a few clear words you can explain to him why his behavior is wrong and harmful to him and others.

Help him learn how to channel and manage his anger . You should not underestimate this feeling of your child, but you should convince him that you understand his reasons. Anger should not be suppressed or ignored , but expressed in the right way so as not to burden the child's psyche.

Don't use ultimatums like "if you do, I won't love you anymore" because your child will feel guilty or bad, and may be right to be angry . This is his spontaneous and natural way of expression - your role is to change the way, not the feeling.

Give him a good example through your behavior. Forbid yourself to lose patience with trifles, to quarrel with your partner, to show any form of violence , especially in front of the child . Through such sensible behavior you will give your child a valuable lesson - anger should not be expressed with aggression .

Do not watch watching violent video games and TV programs because they are a bad example, irritate and provoke negative reactions in children .