Major parenting mistakes in raising children: Mistake № 3
Error № 3: Instability of requirements or threat of non-compliance
Being consistent in your requirements (especially for young children ) is not easy. But you need to understand that if the child understands that "no" is sometimes "definitely not", and in other cases it may be "okay, yes", he will test your patience every time. First, because he will hope to receive the desired. Second, because he will want to understand logic. If mom is patient sometimes and screams other times, she still needs to figure out exactly what circumstances are causing each of the reactions. In order to get away without casualties, it is important to do everything possible to minimize the number of bans , and to achieve this, you need at least the atmosphere in the home to be prepared for the fact that it wants to trigger the child .
It is generally difficult for the parents to take some time to come to terms with the fact that the child will not be able to get what he or she wants or take any action. Alas, it is impossible to come to terms with reality if we do not experience some discomfort and are not convinced that it is not deadly.
You don't have to leave the child alone in this pain. It is possible that your sympathy will alleviate his suffering. But sympathizing does not mean giving up . This imposes a great responsibility on the parent forming his requirement. It is impossible to insist on your own if you threaten him with things you will not actually do. For example, if you promised to leave your child in the store in case he leaves with you now, and you fail to carry out the threat , you will have to admit that your words are worthless .
Error analysis
Wrong decision: sometimes to allow what you usually forbid .
Short-term effect: the child ceases to be bitter , angry or attracts your attention with manifestations of anger.
Consequences: the child constantly checks whether this time you will not lift the ban.
The right decision : to create conditions in advance in which it will be easy to limit yourself to a minimum of prohibitions and to follow them unconditionally; to formulate your requirements and sanctions so that they are actually enforceable by both you and the child , taking into account his age and personality . To learn to show both empathy and compassion for the child 's resentment and perseverance and consistency in their requirements.
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