Major parenting mistakes in raising children: Mistake № 4
Mistake № 4: Detocentrism
The development of civilization leads to the result in which children become less and less , and more and more attention is paid to them. This fact should indicate that children grow up surrounded by care , with great opportunities, and therefore - happier, smarter, educated, mature .
But statistics say the opposite: the number of infantile , unable to take responsibility, emotionally unstable young people is growing exponentially. Peter Pan Syndrome is becoming an epidemic: children do not want to grow up .
One of the main reasons for this sad trend lies in the fact that the image of parents competing in how much they invest in the upbringing of their children has become fashionable. The motto of humanity "The best - for children!" Gives birth to an army of adults, but not adults . So what normal child would want to stop being like that and be deprived of the privileges that this status gives him?
Being big has ceased to be an opportunity to realize yourself better, to make decisions, to make choices and has become a period of dominance of unpleasant obligations over entertainment . Many children do not find pleasure in care and assistance . So, either they do not know how to show them, or deep down they consider them an obligation, an expensive reward for the opportunity to be friends or love someone.
This is largely due to the fact that at the right time, parents were unable to establish new relationships with their children . The little child is loved by default. Indeed, learning to live apart from your mother is a great achievement at some point. But subsequently, the basis of the relationship is not built on the fact that the child has survived, but on cooperation on the basis of common interests, benevolent communication, mutual support.
If the child does not begin to be required to be more emotionally mature , responsible and personally contribute to the relationship with both parents and other people , then gradually the natural desire for cooperation fades. Growing up, the child , even if he internally understands that he is not the center of the universe , deep down, based on the attitude he received in childhood, suffers from the privileged position, instead of enjoying the opportunity to be active and active as in relationships, so in everything else.
Error analysis
Wrong decision: to give the child at all costs all the best, from modern toys to numerous developmental activities ; to enjoy the role of ideal parents .
Short-term effect: it can be different depending on how the parents embody the ideal image in life: the child is actually busy with something all the time. Sometimes he receives enough attention from significant adults, it is possible to demonstrate success in school or out of school .
Consequences: the child gets used to the position of entertainment; he often does not know how to do something on his own . In general, the desire to be independent and independent, without receiving the necessary support , fades, and the child becomes immersed in his position of dependence both at the household level and in the process of solving life's tasks.
Sooner or later, as a result of all this, the adults find themselves overwhelmed . The child acquires the role of victim at the expense of the personal interests of his parents and later seeks to postpone his own parenthood to a later stage (or avoid it altogether) in order to "manage to live". Often the child does not receive sufficient experience for cooperative relationships, is not able to sufficiently respect the interests and desires of other people.This greatly complicates close relationships, even with parents , not to mention other relationships.
The right decision: to build relationships on the principle of "the child in the family", not "everything for the child". To accept the care of children as part of our own lives, to discover our own potential and to realize our interests. To provide the child with more opportunities for action, depending on his age, to create conditions for autonomy and independence in everything that the child is ready for as early as possible, from dressing to choosing a profession .
According to his age, we allow him to face the consequences of irresponsible behavior . Here it is important to understand child psychology : the child should not be required to do the same things as an adult, because it is different. But we need to gradually, step by step, bring it closer to the independence and responsibility of the adult and the freedom of self-determination that they provide.
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